ACTUAL NEWS ITEMS

• Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pay with two $16 bills.



• The city council in Chico, California, enacted a ban on nuclear weapons. Anyone detonating a nuclear bomb within city limits will be fined $500.



• A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis. By the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.



• A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C. A few days later he went with his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch he went out for a sandwich. His girlfriend needed him, so she had him paged by the bailiff. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him when he returned to the courthouse, in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.



• When two service stations in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

The customer's always right?
A factory owner said to a store owner, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you."

   "Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "you know that I argue every bill and always pay late."

   The factory owner said, "I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred."